Food Anxiety: What Can I Eat?

It used to be that I didn’t need to consider what I could or couldn’t eat, aside of course, from those times when I chose to go on a diet. I was hungry, I purchased and/or prepared food, and I ate food. And for the most part, without any adverse effects. Pretty simple. Now though, what I consume is of constant concern, always wondering if what I eat will aggravate my insides.

Hoping to heal my digestive tract by changing my diet, I began to investigate what might work. There is so much information out there, it’s fantastic and at times overwhelming. My food quest had begun!

The first step was removing gluten, followed by learning about the Paleo diet, I eliminated all grains too. I could also no longer eat eggs unless of course, I wanted to sprint to the toilet. Not the most pleasant way to get your cardio in. Coffee suddenly had the same and almost immediate effect. I discovered too through my naturopath dairy was no longer a friend to me.

These are foods that I have enjoyed throughout my life and now they are causing me pain and discomfort.  Gluten, dairy, and eggs are on the shortlist of what my body has become sensitive to. There are so many other foods also – it is daunting.

So much to give up! It was difficult to switch my thinking from what I can’t have to what I can have. I’m still working on that by the way! There are moments when I crave an old favourite. Yes, there are so many recipes now that are Paleo, vegan, gluten-free and they’re delicious – of this I am thankful – but…

…let’s just say, I’m still adjusting.

Over the last handful of years, this food quest has also led me to try the Specific Carbohydrate Diet, Total Elimination Diet, FODMAP, and Food Combining Diet. These dietary changes bring about relief and remission for some people diagnosed with Crohn’s, ulcerative colitis and celiac disease. Unfortunately not the case for me.

I am in a perpetual flare up regardless of what I eat. Removing dairy, eggs, and gluten has reduced the urgency and number of sprints to the toilet in a given day but it has not healed my digestive tract enough to be able to get through the day without the aid of medications. I found too being completely grain-free made things worse so I have reintroduced rice into my life.

I feel somehow that I have failed, which of course, adds to the anxiety wrapped around food. Sometimes, I’m just afraid to eat. Or perhaps it’s not so much failing but coming to the realization that despite all the information available and my best efforts, I have little if any control over this disease.

I am aware that food is but one of many aspects to any gastrointestinal disorder, so I do let myself off the hook for not being able to fix this most of the time. So little is known still about the causes of inflammatory bowel disease let alone how to cure it.

But they’re working on it! According to Guilia Enders, author of Gut-The Inside Story of Our Body’s Most Underrated Organ in recent decades so much knowledge has been accumulated about our microbiome, the trillions of bacteria that live in our intestines and how they impact the connections between the brain and the gut. These microorganisms can affect how we feel and how we feel can affect our microbiome.

She goes on to explain each of us has an individualized microbiome – a unique fingerprint so to speak, depending on if you were breastfed, were born by cesarean or vaginal birth, have taken antibiotics, ate dirt as a toddler, had pets growing up… hence one diet does not fit all, nor can it cure-all I would think.

So I will let myself off the hook a little more for not being able to put this collagenous sprue into remission through lifestyle and dietary adjustments. That doesn’t mean though that I will give up trying! I have learned much through trying these diets, about what works for me personally and I do feel better in general through the dietary changes I have made.

At this point, I feel I need to chill about food, try to not become quite so anxious about ‘doing it right’ with regards to healing my body through what I consume. It’s a part of the puzzle, but not the entire picture. After all, stress does exacerbate things too.

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Corticosteriods: They Giveth and They Taketh Away

I have a love/hate relationship with this medication. Like so many things in life, Prednisone has its good aspects and then there’s the not so good. I have had to learn to live with them both since, at this point, I cannot tolerate other medications known to be effective with my particular type of inflammatory bowel disease, or the medications simply don’t work. 

Let’s begin with the giving part of it and my favourite. It’s keeping me alive! That’s a big one.

I held off trying Prednisone for a number of years after my lymphocytic colitis diagnosis, being concerned about all the side effects. Instead, I began making changes to my diet, hoping to heal with food. Results with this were minimal but more on that another time. Loperamide was my go-to for getting my gut to behave (relatively speaking) during these years. It was not until diarrhea suddenly became acute; uncontrollable and lasted for weeks landing me in the hospital that I agreed to the Prednisone.

Once I started, I wondered why I had held off for so long. The first days, even weeks, were very giving and wonderful. I felt downright euphoric at times and was given a surge in focus and energy like I never have before.  Oh, what I felt I could accomplish in those days! The energy boost is great especially on the tail end of being drained from weeks of literally being drained but it can make you at times, manic.

On the flip side or ‘taketh away’ of all this energy is not being able to sleep. Insomnia is a chronic problem for me even now after my body has adjusted to the drug. The first few days are always the worst. I sometimes slept as little as 15 mins in a night and couldn’t nap during the day either. You are left feeling wired and tired.

The sleep disruption I’m sure adds to another ‘giving’ nature of corticosteroids; mood swings. So much fun, not only for yourself but those around you. Some people can also become quite aggressive. I’m generally easy going but I have noticed I’m a little less patient in traffic. Ok, ok, there was that one time where my hand stayed on the horn a little longer than it should have. Oops, sorry.

Corticosteroids can give in so many other ways too. There are the puffy hands, feet and the ever wonderful, puffy ‘moonface’. You can also be given a puffy stomach that has entirely nothing to do with weight gain and one heckuva a voracious appetite, which has everything to do with weight gain. Oh my, the appetite! It is endless at times it seems, and the foods you crave tend to be on the sweet side. Not a good combination.

It can also give you thinner skin and even cataracts too! I’m already up against both of those given my middle age. This is not helping the situation.

Taking away, Prednisone depletes your calcium and your potassium that leads to osteoporosis. My bone density has decreased and I am one inch shorter than I was before all this began. Not to give steroids all the glory, since bone loss is also a result of the malabsorption caused by collagenous sprue or any other malabsorption disorder.

The strength in your muscles decreases as well. With long term daily use your muscles can waste away. Basically, with the puffy face, feet, hands, tummy and diminished muscles, I will look like the stick figures I used to draw as a child. Wait… I still draw like that!

Self stick figure portrait

There was something else it takes away, just can’t quite place it… Ah yes, memory loss.

That’s about it, I guess with regards to the giving and taking nature of corticosteroids for me personally. Although I am sure there is more than I am aware of.

The effects of inflammatory bowel disease have taken quite a toll on my body and I am very much aware of how the drug that is currently helping me stay alive is taking its own toll. It is a stopgap measure and only one aspect of a holistic approach I am taking towards improving my digestive health.